Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
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The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I wear drunk well.
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