Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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