Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm passing your future prison.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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