You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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