I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Couch. On fire.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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