In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize