dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
should my penis look like a turkey
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How does it feel to date your dad?
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