She is in my trunk
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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