do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
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If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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