He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
