Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
