i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.