he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
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He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
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NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.