I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.