Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I stole a fireplace last night.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"