I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.