so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best