Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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