Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize