69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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