Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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