Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I don't think brook has ever known best
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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