rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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