I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
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My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
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Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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