goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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