it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
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They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
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I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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