My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
