I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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