he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ladies don't puke and tell
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
