the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
is this the sara with the beer cane?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
