My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
