I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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