i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
