i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
