Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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