In the future we'll all be gay
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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