I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Is it because I queefed?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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