I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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