Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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