Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
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Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
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It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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