ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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