Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
