to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
