This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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