I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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