there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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