peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
