I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up