I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
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and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
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We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.