you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?