yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.