even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
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The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
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I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??