i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize