Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
