everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
