hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
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Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
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Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.