i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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