They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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