Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize